Sunday, January 23, 2011

Some Stuff

The good and the bad of my week . . .

1. Diet=bad. So far, anyway. I know, I know, they say it takes “at least two weeks and more like three” to tell a difference, and I haven’t given up yet. But I’ve made it through ten whole days without cheating once (except for 2 teaspoons of salad dressing) and I feel pretty much lousy. For one thing, I can’t get warm. I wonder if this kind of diet is for people who have extra weight. I was already in the normal weight range (although I didn’t mind the thought of losing a little around the tummy and thighs) so maybe this wasn’t a good idea for me. I’m afraid I may have slowed my metabolism way down (meaning I’ll start gaining like crazy if and when I go back). Also, I’ve so far noticed no decrease in my original symptoms. I guess I’ll know more in the next week. Sum up: discouragement.

2. Dental visit=bad. I went to the dentist for the first time in a year and had a cavity. The dentist, a new one, put in the shot to numb me and I had a horrible reaction. After he got done injecting, I felt this horrible blood rush and nausea, with my heart pounding hard. He says there is epinephrin in the shot and maybe I was just sensitive to that. I’ve had dental injections (too many times) before and never had anything like that. I wanted to die. I’m wondering if it was because of this diet--? Maybe I was just in a weaker state than usual? I asked if that epinephrine was new, since it has been a few years since my last injection, but he says it’s the same stuff as always. Anyway, it was awful.

4. New Year’s Resolution=bad. I am frustrated with myself for not remembering, moment to moment, to be more positive with my kids. I am way too critical and stressed all the time. I am trying to use the atonement here—it’s a hard thing to break such an ingrained habit, and it’s extra hard when I feel so dang hungry and sickish all the time. But my years with them are numbered and I DON’T WANT THEM TO REMEMBER ME LIKE THIS. Pray for me, will you? This is hard.

5. Light=good! The days are getting longer! It has been so dramatic and heartening for me to notice the light that comes earlier in the day. I never, never take that for granted. Spring really will come . . .

6. Poetry=good. I’ve had two weeks of my poetry class so far and am really enjoying it. My teacher said my first poem was “really good!” and noticed lots of what I was doing in it. She’s pushing me (the sign of a good teacher, since she has so many different abilities in the class), and that’s what I need. Part of the reason I do these classes (besides the deadlines and assignments that get me going) is to learn how to TEACH a poetry workshop. One student brought in an entirely inaccessible poem of the ultra-modern variety (where sense is sacrificed to sound) and I watched to see how the teacher would critique it (how DO you critique something like that, which makes no sense?)—and here’s what she did: turned it over to the class. “Do you have any questions for her? Write them down. Anything you particularly like?” Hmmm. Cop out, but it worked . . .

7. Lunch with Kristi=good. It's so hard for me to go out to lunch with friends when I can't eat. Imagine eating at Olive Garden and not being able to have carbs! Not even the soup! But it was still worth it. I love Kristi and her view on life. She is an amazingly gifted writer—but she is so much more than that, and she’s making some hard choices that are good for her about how to live life as a mother, artist, and teacher. I always feel better about life in general after I spend time with her. I’m lucky to know her.

8. 18 years=fantastic. Yesterday was my 18th anniversary. I am such a satisfied customer. It’s hard (and you who are happily married know) to put into words how I feel about someone who is basically just a part of me now, but let me just say that I think he is a better catch than ever these days, and I feel sort of embarrassed about my good fortune, as if I’d won the lottery.

9. Noteworthy=very, very good! As you’ve noticed, if you’ve read this blog before, my family and I are passionate fans of BYU’s Noteworthy (female a cappella). On a whim, and thinking, “What have I got to lose?” I wrote to them and asked if there was any chance in the world they would like to sing at our trek kick-off fireside next week.


I could hardly keep from peeing my pants. (Did I really just use the word pee on my blog? Did that move the rating to PG-13?) I am so utterly thrilled. What was just a trek fireside is now a WOW. It feels like a little hug from God, is what it feels like. I am so dang thrilled. The fireside is next week, and I’ll be glad to get it behind us so that we can settle down to the real work of planning. This trek thing just might come to pass. Maybe.


Ang said...

The diet thing sounds just awful. I hope within a week or so you'll be able to say with as much confidence as you can whether or not you're better off sticking with it.

And the dentist thing? I had a reaction like that once six or seven years ago from some numbing agent before a root canal. It was terrifying--it was like my whole body was overreacting. If I remember right, my dentist at the time also mentioned something to do w/ epinephrine. It hasn't happened to me since, it that helps.

And I'm so glad you're enjoying your poetry class!

Cheri said...

It's starting to sound like it might be the wrong diet for you. There are lots of less drastic ways to keep your blood sugar stable. Like be familiar with the GI of foods and eat regular meals with a good GI balance.

I pray for you every day.

Your kids know they're loved and valued, and they know about the gospel and the atonement. And they love you.

Hooray for big blessings like Noteworthy, good friends, a great companion for 18 years, and the chance to nurture your talents.

Michelle said...

I love your honesty, Darlene. I think that thought-- I don't want them to remember me like this.-- haunts all mothers.

And we have a January anniversary too. Today is our 20th. Who gets married in January? Crazy people.

The diet sounds wrong. Seroiusly. As a 33 year veteran of dieting (sad, I know) I'll tell you that the first two weeks should be bliss-- "I feel so awesome!"-- in fact I usually do great for 3 weeks until I get sick of the deprivation and start dreaming of pastries.