Dear blog, if there is anyone still out there,
Once again, I apologize for neglecting you. If it helps, I have a plan for regular updates now. You see, I’ve been in a transition period. Since we last talked, my baby has gone off to first grade, and I have come to a new phase in my life.
I’ve been working out a routine, and sort of feeling my way through the days to see what I really want to commit to and what I want to let slide. I know myself—if I don’t commit to certain things and get them into a routine, I won’t do them. And I’m ready to commit to blogging once a week or so. Maybe more—we’ll see.
I’m curious if anyone is even out there anymore. If you are, thank you for your loyalty.
So, this new phase is nice. As I had predicted, I do like it. But some things have surprised me. Here is a list of things that haven’t surprised me about being home alone without kids all day:
1. I didn’t cry when the little pickle went off for his first day. I’m aware that some would think I’m a heartless mom for not being sad at this point. But he was ready, I was ready, what was there to cry about? I did not feel nostalgic or miss him or worry at missed opportunities. We just finished a year of hanging together for most of the day (except for when he was at kindergarten) and we had a good time. I have no regrets.
2. I find plenty to do. (I knew I would.) The trick is fitting it all in! The big thing right now is studying for the GRE. After I take it, I will write a few papers and complete my application. Then I will try to squeeze in another independent study class before May so I can renew my teacher’s license.
And then there are all the little things. Weeding the yard. Pulling up the bathroom linoleum and picking new paint. Choir. Spanish class. Errands. Visiting Teaching. Teaching ESL. Preparing den meetings. And (this is really a last, last priority) maybe even cleaning the house.
3. The days go by too fast. Really.
Things that surprised me:
1. I feel nervous, checking around me regularly—aren’t I supposed to be doing something, checking on someone?
This makes me restless and want to call people to meet me for lunch. I’m not lonely, just a little uncomfortable not checking in with people.
2. It’s hard to get used to. I get out of the shower and have to remind myself several times that I don’t need to rush to get dressed and open the door to stop the fight that has begun while I was unavailable.
3. I still feel guilty taking a nap.
So that’s my life these days. Oooh, one of the side benefits is that I have been finally catching up on some reading. I’ll do a book report sometime soon.