Well, I suppose I should post a new blog.
Obviously, I’ve been avoiding this. There’s not really a good reason. I think I just got bored with it. This month I started another “poem-a-day-for-thirty-days” commitment (one of my New Year’s resolutions). So I’m putting any poetic thoughts I have into my poetry. This is my second time doing this, as you might recall. This time has been different for me: I have spent a lot less time perfecting things and more time just dumping. I’m trying to give my subconscious more free rein. I hope, and believe, that the poems will end up better that way. Some of the poems that have turned out to be my best, or at least the most popular (not necessarily the same thing) are the ones that I hold less tightly to, the ones I just sort of brain-dump on (“Dying Hair” “Angels of Mercy”).
So, let’s see. I’ve been feeling more optimistic about my health lately. I’ve had more good days in the last few weeks than I used to have. That is, the proportions are increasing in a good way. I am very grateful for any progress I make, and for being able to notice it. The kids are finally back in school and Peter and I are adjusting to being just by ourselves again. We’re counting down the days until our big cruise and it is darn hard to get through these long, cold days on the way to it. I do not like winter. I do not like being cold, Sam I Am.
My oldest will be twelve in a few weeks. I took him to pick out his brand-new, fancy-schmancy very-own scriptures the other day. It was a Mommy-reward day, I tell you. He was SOOOOO excited. Worried that he wouldn’t think the scriptures were a cool present to get on this Big birthday, I actually gave him the choice of getting them for his 14th instead, but he wanted them NOW. It was a cool day. Now it’s killing him to have to wait for the actual birthday celebration to get to handle them.
When I was a teenager, people used to tell us that we were the Saturday’s Warriors, saved for these latter days because we were strong and could handle it. That kind of talk always made me roll my eyes because I didn’t feel particularly valiant and the other youth in my ward certainly didn’t seem so either. But now that I’m raising kids, I’m banking on that philosophy, that these spirits can handle this world they’re born into. I have no problem believing, even hoping, that they are spiritually stronger than I am. Watching my big boy get so thrilled over new scriptures helped. I have some really good kids.
One of them, however, continues to give us a run for our money. If I figure things out with that one, I’ll let you know. I really believe that these guys come to me pre-packaged—that is, he is an individual spirit with free agency. There’s only so much I can do to mold him correctly. The big parenting fear is that, through my own ignorance or (worse) selfishness I will somehow miss a chance, make a wrong turn, cause him permanent damage by missing something important. But I guess there’s no getting around it: my kids will pay a price for my mistakes. That’s part of what they signed up for. I can just do my best and trust to the atonement, that it is as effective in their lives as it is in mine. Otherwise the whole plan doesn’t make sense, does it?
I hope you’re having a good January. The best thing about January is that there is only one in a year, you know?
p.s. I've been watching Seasons 1-3 of The Office, which I checked out from the library. I never watch TV, so I missed all of this when it was originally broadcast. I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!! So tell me, what else have I been missing? What other good shows have been on that I ought to check out? (BTW, Hubby doesn't care for it. Can't figure out what the big deal is.)