I had just about made up my mind to erase this blog. I just don’t like the concept of being so self-conscious. I figure, if I have something to say that is worth saying really well and is meant to be said in public, I should probably really craft it and then put it into one of my poems or stories. Or, if it’s that I want to work through something by writing it out, I should just put it in my journal. What’s with displaying it for everyone? It makes me even more self-conscious than I already am, that feeling that I’m always in a movie. “Here is what the voice-over would say right now. And this is the kind of music there would be in the background . . .” And who is it that I’m thinking might ever care to read this? Probably if I linked to it from the other places I post, people might check it out out of curiosity. But I’m not sure I want to be judged by it.
That’s it—that’s what bugs me about blogs. It’s like everyone who does one is keeping it so that they have something public to be judged by. So that they can have some control over the impression they make. They craft a persona. But I imagine that although you can’t take everything in a blog as an accurate definition of its creator, I guess you can learn a lot about the person just by what they decide to include, or not include. You can at least tell what about them they prefer to project, if nothing else.
Meanwhile, I haven’t told a living soul (except R) that I have this blog. So for now I am just musing in the dark to myself.