Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Poor Me

I am sick. As in ill. Probably just a virus, or a sinus infection, but it’s got me feeling like kitty litter.

So I dragged my sorry self to the Smith’s Express Care. I shouldn’t have. I should have done what logic says and stayed home for several more days in case it is a stupid virus.

Because when I got there, a sweet Physician’s Assitant named Meghan who is about my age talked down to me for half an hour. And what did I do in response? Cry.

When I’m sick, I cry. I lose all self-control (but not my sense of shame about it). So, when she began by saying I should probably not even pay to see her because I probably have a virus and “Viruses can’t be cured by antibiotics, you know,” I was so humiliated at how stupid she thought I was that I burst into tears. So then, of course, she talked even more down to me, “Oh, sweetheart, what’s been going on in your life lately?” And I wanted to scream, “NOTHING!!! MY LIFE’S FANTASTIC! EXCEPT THAT I’M BLOOMIN’ SICK AND YOU’RE TALKING TO ME LIKE I’M TEN!!!!!” But, no, I just cried harder.

It was awful.

How could she know what kind of baggage I have about being seen by health-care professionals? How could she know that I’ve heard the virus/antibiotic lecture hundreds of times (who wouldn’t, raising kids?)? She was just doing her best, bless her heart.

And then, because I was out already, and the kids were whiny because I had promised them they could spend their birthday money at Smiths because I thought it was a super-center with a toy aisle and then it wasn’t, I had to stop at Target for them. And, since I was there, I had to buy two bridal shower presents. I hate shopping for bridal shower presents. Why is it that everything people register for costs twice as much as it should? And hardly any of it under $30? How can you tell someone, “I’d like to go to your shower, but I can’t afford to”? Because it’s so humiliating to sit in that circle and watch the bride-to-be open everyone’s $30 presents and then your little pair of hand towels. The whole thing is so awkward for me. Should I pay more than I can afford because I’m selfish if I don’t? Anyway, on top of the being mad at myself for wasting my money on the virus lecture, it was painful to spend more on presents for people I hardly know.

Selfish me.

Selfish, sick, whiny, disgusting, pitiful me.


Ang said...

I was just thinking about you ten seconds ago, then checked my blog list and here you are!

So sorry you're not feeling well. So sorry the well-meaning but condescending Smith's lady gave you the antibiotics lecture. (I *hate* the antibiotics lecture. But not quite as much as I hate the flossing lecture when I go to the dentist. Makes me want to never go to the dentist again and just let my teeth fall out to spite all those condescending--but well-meaning--dental hygienists.)

What's hard for me sometimes is the bridal shower/wedding double whammy. Whoo doggies! That adds up.

Hope you feel better soon . . . !

Anonymous said...

Aww. I'm sorry you're under the weather. It's no fun being sick, especially when sinuses are involved (always forget how much I take this breathing thing for granted.)

Drink lots of fluids and get some rest. My prayers are with you.

Melinda said...

I so know what you mean. I'm sorry that you are sick.

The kitty litter line, however, was brilliant.

Jennifer B. said...

That stinks!!!

Anonymous said...

My friend says there's a secret aisle in Walmart (I have yet to go seek it out, but should) where you can get all sort of discontinued stuff for very little cost, and save it up for shower and wedding gifts. Don't let those inflated registries get to you -- YOU know your circumstances and are responsible to stick to what you know is a reasonable budget for you.

Sorry about the crying thing -- I so can imagine me doing that. And grrr to the patronizing woman.

Louise Plummer said...

Don't knuckle under the $30 gift pressure. It's a GIFT, not an order. Check Ross's kitchen stuff as well as T.J. Max.

With the leftover money, get a sitter and take a long nap.

Cheri said...

Yes, Angela, the shower-reception dilemma. I always, always wish there was some way to combine it into one decent present I can actually afford!