tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post992142232098728249..comments2023-07-20T08:35:44.681-07:00Comments on A person named Eunice: SAHMDarlenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02390374931911258822noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-59327552641903515872011-04-27T13:45:12.982-07:002011-04-27T13:45:12.982-07:00This is perfect, perfect, perfect. I feel guilty ...This is perfect, perfect, perfect. I feel guilty with my feelings sometimes -- like I should be like those moms who *HEART* being a SAHM. It's hard, and sometimes it's sooo painful.<br /><br />But I really do believe it's worth it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03509169727773615479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-87616810001933464432009-08-25T10:17:52.362-07:002009-08-25T10:17:52.362-07:00Darlene- I just came across your blog. I agree 100...Darlene- I just came across your blog. I agree 100% with you! Staying home isn't my "passion" either. I love reading and sewing and cooking, but NOT housework, laundry, whining kids, etc. Having only 1 child I've been tempted to want to go back to work, but I know the older he gets the more he needs me to be here. My mom worked and I really missed her. I do feel blessed for what I do, despite the difficulty sometimes. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04050805890559048828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-47466522293621119662009-08-19T14:02:13.461-07:002009-08-19T14:02:13.461-07:00Darlene, you lived in Berkeley? I heart Berkeley! ...Darlene, you lived in Berkeley? I heart Berkeley! We've been here 4 years while DH finishes his PhD at UCB. Too bad I missed you -- I read more of your blog (after posting last night), and I think I would have enjoyed knowing you. Anyway, I'll hang around your blog.Satsukinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-7409510306119484792009-08-19T13:24:32.486-07:002009-08-19T13:24:32.486-07:00That was wonderful, Darlene. You and I had lots of...That was wonderful, Darlene. You and I had lots of conversations in this vein in our Berkeley days, and I guess people just don't change much (you or me). I'm sure you've read that story "The Invisible Woman" by Nicole Johnson? I try to think of how each of my children is a beautiful cathedral in the making and how important my influences as architect and mason are to the human beings they are becoming... and it's not just my children. I am one of those over-the-top PTA moms (and that fulfills me and gives me the validation I need) who hopes I am also filling a need in other children who have voids in their lives. Anyway... the next time you are invited to be on a panel at Sunstone, DO IT! There are a lot more women than just your loyal blog readers who could use your words.jenlinminhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16225270653473402933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-35929665861448199372009-08-19T07:36:28.332-07:002009-08-19T07:36:28.332-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Darlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02390374931911258822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-67729732896331296632009-08-19T07:36:25.475-07:002009-08-19T07:36:25.475-07:00Thank you, everyone! I'm so happy to see some ...Thank you, everyone! I'm so happy to see some new names here, also. <br /><br />Satsuki, you make some important points. I also have had to ponder what the Proclamation means to me and how to define "nurture." Also, Sister Beck's talk about homemaking. I, who like you have had to keep up some non-homemaking work all along in order to preserve sanity (in my case, it is my writing), have a messier house than some and am a lazy cook. But my husband and I have decided that "homemaking" means making the best home possible for my kids. My home is better for them when I am happy and fulfilled, having spent an hour writing instead of scrubbing tubs. Different women make different choices here. The goal is to find the place where your home is the happiest. "Ain't Momma happy, ain't no one happy."<br /><br />I like your point, Zina, about choosing whether to use the word "lucky" about being able to stay home. I recognize that there are many women (Janabananagirl, for example) who would love the opportunity to stay home. So the fact that I had the choice is really a blessing to me. But you're right that we shouldn't hide the fact that it is also a sacrifice.Darlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02390374931911258822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-31808821151226834912009-08-19T00:14:48.750-07:002009-08-19T00:14:48.750-07:00I so wish it weren't 1 AM already because I kn...I so wish it weren't 1 AM already because I know if I let myself give my full response, it'll be 2 AM before I know it. Here are two short excerpts from the comment that's in my mind:<br /><br />1) I used to say that I was "lucky" or "fortunate" to be able to stay home with my kids, but I stopped saying that when I decided that I was denigrating the sacrifices involved in my choice, and that I didn't have to protect others from my decision. And no matter how much you love parenting and how much you're a natural at it (and honestly I think it's one of my gifts,) there's nobody who does it without at least some times of intense challenge and even misery. (Yeah so maybe there are some who have very little misery. But I don't know them and I don't want to hear about it.) (I'm just kidding about not wanting to hear about it. Mostly.)<br /><br />2) Concerning the thing about missing milestones like a kid's first steps, (which would devastate me,) I once read or heard that day care workers who've witnessed a child's first steps will tell the parents, "We think she's just about ready to walk!" so the parents will know to watch for it and think they're seeing it first.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-88206904206007536702009-08-18T23:41:24.391-07:002009-08-18T23:41:24.391-07:00That was beautifully written. You expressed EXACTL...That was beautifully written. You expressed EXACTLY many of the feelings that I've had being a SAHM. I am also frequently envious of my husband's career prospects, all while knowing that if I worked full time I would agonize over missing my children's precious, quickly-fleeting childhood. Personally, I stay home not because the prophet says to do so, but because, for me, I think it is the path of least regret. When I am old I think I would regret working full time during these years more than I would regret not having a great career. Other mothers may choose differently, however, and I completely honor and respect their decisions.<br /><br />The solution I have come to in terms of my own sanity during these diaper-changing-snack-making-laundry-doing years is to work part-time, mostly from home. I choose only projects that I enjoy and feel are important to the world in some (small) way. I work away from home one or two evenings a week (5-10 hours), and do almost all my other work when the kids are in bed or otherwise engaged. It means that my house is usually messy, that I don't spend a lot of time cooking, and that I don't get enough sleep, but it suits our family.<br /><br />My husband and I have talked about the Proclamation on the Family. Our interpretation is that as long as the children are nurtured, and the finances are sufficient, it really doesn't matter who does what. (We gravitate toward the "help one another as equal partners" phrase.) As it happens, when I work at night, my husband is at home, and when he's at work/school, I'm home. But I also know a lot of families with two working parents who have nannies and very, very happy, well-adjusted children. It's so hard to put all families in one peg-hole and say -this- is best for everyone. I really think that this is a situation where prayer, scripture study, and personal inspiration become deeply important. <br /><br />And I have to admit, I am one who will openly claim that I am a better mother because I work. Like you, I often wish that I were passionate about raising children. I know some mothers who pour all of their attention and energy into educating and raising their children...and instead of thinking that they are shallow, I really, honestly, deeply admire them. In fact, they tend to make me insecure. They are doing a great job by their children, and will really have something to show for it as their kids get older! For me, personally (and again, this is SUCH a personal decision -- different things work for different families!), I simply get really depressed when I don't have something going on outside of mothering. I wish I didn't. I wish I could find the joy and delight of playing with my children and keeping them healthy and keeping the house. I mean, I do...a little. But when I have nothing of my own going on, I feel like just a vessel, like I am meeting the needs of everyone else except myself. And, you know, I feel like I have a right to seek out fulfillment in life too...and gosh-awful-honestly (I feel like a bad Mormon mother even writing this!), nurturing my children, teaching them, loving them, seeing them grow smart and strong and independent and all those great things still just don't do it for me. I LOVE those things about my life, but they still don't complete me. And I don't think it is wrong to want and pursue more, as long as the needs of the family are met. I guess my message is that I think there are lots of ways to be terrific mothers. We mothers tend to compare ourselves against others and become really defensive about our own life choices. (I do that all the time!) Women have lots of choices these days, and I sure wish we could all just feel secure in our own choices and value and respect those who choose differently. Tricky thing, that is.<br /><br />Anyway, this ended up longer than I intended. But anyway, you have my respect, and I don't think you are shallow for staying at home, and I know it's really hard, and I hope you find joy and fulfillment in all that you do!Satsukinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-77655549274828903442009-08-18T23:38:48.286-07:002009-08-18T23:38:48.286-07:00I love your honesty and admire your decision. This...I love your honesty and admire your decision. This is a great post, with profound insight.<br /><br />I am a retired SAHM, after 32 years on the job. I viewed motherhood as my career choice, and just like any working person, there were lots of days I wished I could call in sick.<br /><br />I used to wish I had a co-worker to notice what I wore, or a boss to appreciate my hours of overtime. I never got a raise or a year-end bonus. And I envied my husband that he got to drive to work alone, without searching for somebody's shoes first.<br /><br />Looking back, I can't believe how lucky I was to be the major player in my seven kid's every-day lives. And I realize that I had on-the-job training in many areas that have made me a better person.<br /><br />Being a stay-at-home-mom was the best decision of my life. I did it on faith, but recommend it from experience.Travelin'Omahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18415472674768977723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-57484261435290992272009-08-18T22:13:13.876-07:002009-08-18T22:13:13.876-07:00I love this. Thanks for putting this out there. A ...I love this. Thanks for putting this out there. A nice little chunk of hope. <br /><br />I am passionate about my choice to be a SAHM--but I'm also very divided. I'm not very good at being a mom and even though I'm getting better at it over time it's been a rough adjustment. Your post served as a good reminder that this is worth doing even when it's hard. Or maybe, actually, BECAUSE it's hard. <br /><br />I'm curious, though, why you chose not to be on the Sunstone panel. Time issue?Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08214008384316494193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-570987500412790382009-08-18T20:25:54.757-07:002009-08-18T20:25:54.757-07:00I have to say that I am envious of your opportunit...I have to say that I am envious of your opportunity to stay at home. I have not yet been blessed with a husband and children, but I decided a long time ago that when that opportunity came my way I would do everything in my power to stay at home. I actually had a male coworker scoff at my decision yesterday. He said his wife works to keep her sanity and to bring in extra money. He was sure that when I'm a SAHM, I will find that I "have to work" too. I hope and pray it will never come to that.<br /><br />Thank you, thank you, thank you for vocalizing many of my thoughts and feelings on staying home to raise my children.janabananagirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10224146038283693849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23774671.post-64282484962919886862009-08-18T19:49:37.938-07:002009-08-18T19:49:37.938-07:00Thank you.Thank you.Windybrook Spinnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09314883389116848747noreply@blogger.com